You cant expect them to throw away a good person. You would be disappointed and deeply frustrated. I can completely sympathise. Boyfriend's friends stopped inviting him out - a new mode Even post-divorce for so many years, my husbands brother continues to choose his ex-wife over a relationship with his brother. Now if I had been battling all these years to see the person I once called daughter, than I would expect better treatment from my family. This is all a story of my reality. Him being able to utilize your family members to deny you having the kind of relationship you should be having with your children and family is really rock bottom. I no longer cringe when I try to remember all the things I did or didnt say to people. You could come in on Monday, we can go to the beach and show you downtown, and then you can head out on Wednesday before we have to take TJ to camp. My dad has passed. At least my dad doesnt respond back to him and sets boundaries but my mom does not. I love the guy to bits and would never want to hurt him so leaving him is the last thing on my mind but sometimes I feel like if it wasnt for me hed still be hanging out with him friends instead of me etc. Im so sad to hear so many of us are suffering the same thing. But wasnt believed and that was the most upsetting thing for me. We need to teach our children how their decision impacts not only them but the entire family. We had to do that 3 years ago because it was so bad. I can understand how all of this may feel to you , but isnt it a good thing hes that involved in your childrens life? My mother invites him and his wife over for dinner and they get together for birthdays and Christmas and they all exchange gifts. ", I know you enjoy coming over here and I really enjoy seeing you, but I just dont like people dropping in. You cannot accept the fact that your perceived value far exceeds your worth so you constantly have to prop up the false character you have created to fool everyone yet once again I remind you that I can see right through your masks. If we dont have a certain family code of behaviour then what is even the point of family? What a niave view of a relationship. His loss, for sure. I felt a little validation there. My ex was determined to be at all of my familys events, and holidays. You say you love them but could it be trauma bonds? Its been a few years with no contact because of the restraining orders etc. But the next day would be horrific. I know exactly how you feel. Wow, thanks for the story it has helped me also. Other than my parents, I have lost the beautiful relationship with my sister and family. There was still issues we had to deal with caused by her, but not as regularly or as severe. I am pushing life the best way I know how. When your kids get older, they will see it all. After I talked to my mom who lives in his state, she started asking my uncles and they said they heard from my ex that the divorce was all my fault and I had an affair!!!! That Man maybe perfect in your eyes, but you were not married to them. It is about your kids. Everything I went through being married to him, was not wasted. Shes made our life hell for many years. Hed told him i wanted to look at the ducks on the stream!!! But what I dont do is try to keep up the regular all-day text banter I normally do with my husband when were both in New York. By this time my ex was going thru the motions of pretending to want me to get back with my daughter, but it was smoke and mirrors. Boy, do I know how this feels! Funny thing is your ex might also feel like a victim. If they continue to talk to him, then you have to make the decision if youre going to distance yourself emotionally from them, cut ties, or accept their friendship. My girls are older now. I too have gone through similar circumstances and have refused contact with my own family for supporting my X instead of me .We divorced because of his affairs and his ultimate drug addiction .He did terrible things and still has the support of my family. Youre not unreasonable. But it doesnt mean that everyone who seperate was in one. He invites them over for barbecues. I dont talk to my sister anymore because of this (shes done worse). What hes doing is disrespectful. I searched for what to do when your family stays in contact with your ex. - Quora. All these ignorant people soothing and comforting you are ignorant to your covert narcissist bullshit, but there will always be woke/enlightened empaths such as myself that will set free all the unfortunate souls that you put in a box via compartmentalization for a never ending source of narcissistic supply. It really helped me to connect with other new, mentally healthier people when blood relatives let me down. They too, use the same rationale that its me being unreasonable and selfish and that Im considering our daughter. as for your children, they need to be okay with his girlfriend, but you are their mom and they need to realize you come first before her always. All these years later, my family still chooses him. Shelter? Soon after my little sister moved, my mom did too. I want all of your contacts so we can all be friends . When I finally escaped, my health improved so much. They never showed much interest in my brother or his children and after I ended contact they quickly lost what little interest they had. Sister is a poster girl for depression and anger management, and my brothers wife is one of those in-your-face, turn-or-burn type of Christians that is very outspoken. In marriage, I had a sense of loyalty, I never went to my family and bad mouthed my spouse and told them all his shortcomings. There is no reason to have the EX around. But he will go to, say, a bbq with his friends, his friends will bring their gfs, but he won't invite me. He then asked to keep most of my possessions and everything we purchased together. Honestly your post is so ironic vile spew disguised as coming from an empath! The time and support of the family he never had time/ interest in Then major of the replies are doing just that. I expressed displeasure. I would never go to his familys holiday celebrations or take vacations with them. I dont expect you to disown your own blood but that doesnt mean we are still cool. Which I think I great and very nice of him. I left under police protection because I knew I wasnt safe. Your friends are sick of hearing about him, but his friends don't even know who you are. When I separated from my husband I lost his family, who Id always adored and mine too. After running to save my life and my children, losing a teenager to parental alienation because I didnt allow under age drinking, drugs, and joy riding. Often the person leaving has been putting in the most effort and done everything they can to save the relationship before they throw in the towel. Get it together, it has nothing to do with hate or maturity. no matter what I said, they wouldnt listen. Why would they take my father with them? You make some valid points but if you have been abused by your husband and the divorce is long and drawn out because theyve played every nasty trick in the book then why wouldnt you get upset if your family showed preference to your ex instead of you. But your family should understand that unfortunately severing ties with your Ex comes with the territory of divorce. This also puts lots of stress on the family and will often have them resent one another for various reasons that where probably left unsaid. they actually really pressure me not to say no and have re-arranged things I said I could not be at until I said yes. I wanted my family back for me and for the sake of my kids because the reality is if there is no relationship with me, there will be none with my kids who know I am the only one they can depend on financially and emotionally. My exs family is very large and she lives in the same town as them. I got custodial custody of our 2 children and he had every other weekend and now they are both over 18 and they are pulling this ridiculous behavior of thinking he is such a wonderful guy. Last night we had my sons 21st birthday at a restaurant. I pray that all goes well. We are no longer accepting comments on this article. But if your done with him just because you either got bored or you actually didnt really like him to begin with? Get to know his girlfriend, she may even like her. By the sound of it, your ex must not be a bad guy, I mean you are the only one who doesnt like him. She has a BA in Marketing from San Francisco State University. Your family should cut ties with you and your nasty attitude. My Dad was married to a woman for over ten years. Youre right to feel what youre feeling. We would always see his whole friend group hanging out whereas my bf wouldnt even get an invite and hes obviously very upset about that. Have you talked to your perents, becuse there is no mention of there response. I am totally going through the same thing and it is completely nuts! As yet there has been no reply. I would be open to express your feelings to your family in a kind way, so it can help them to understand you being less involved. They tell me that hes still family because of all the time we spent together, but I got completely cut off from his family and yet I still have to share family gatherings on my side with him. Awww. However, there isnt peace about it, I miss my family and have no dealings with them whilst my ex husband is still around with another new girlfriend. she played the victim. Then you risk losing your daughter. He sounds like a nice guy that they want to be around. I met a guy right after I left my husband of 25 years. And your family is taking the bait. You dont have the right to control other peoples autonomy like that. If they cared, then its logic to assume that there is a gray area and they should have a conversation about your feelings beforehand. I havent spoken to my mom in almost a year now and it has put such a strain on our family. Her problem with her ex, is her problem and hers alone. It is hard but you can do it you have to take care of yourself and your kids you will be ok I promise. They actually spend more time with him than they do with me. Why would an ex want to drive a wedge between his ex and her own family? No your not unreasonable! This article was co-authored by Stefanie Chu-Leong and by wikiHow staff writer, Kira Jan. Stefanie Chu-Leong is the Owner and Senior Event Planner for Stellify Events, an event management business based in the San Francisco Bay Area and California Central Valley. Selfish, arrogant, and childish. I am the male on the other side of a devorce. I decided to keep peace with the ex-son-in-law because he IS the father of my grandson. What bothers me the most is her parents behaviour. Sporting events, kids birthdays, sure.but Thanksgiving and Christmas is taking it too far. She married too to another man, bu she still contact him 2-3 times a month after i married with him.. I think your familys behaviour is incredibly disrespectful and dismissive of you. I had no energy. Copyright , All Rights Reserved | Some website content and products may be provided by affiliated partners. Also, Im bothered that they rather build a relationship with him instead of my husband. divorced so I know. Hes not obligated to call you every time he posts a pic or tweets, and it is ridiculous to expect him to. Get yourself a good man. Once I was tipsy, I couldnt stop. Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, Stay Away From Withholding People. I hope you held your head high and went on your own path without any of them And you dont have to accept invites. Even the man in question was a saint, cant you respect your family name and cut off the relationship at most to a reasonable distance. My ex just started dating someone so Im about to enter this new stage as they welcome her as well. I totally agree. Although not on holidays its separate. I know exactly how you feel, the same happened to me, and it still goes on. My mom knew that my ex was cheating on me and spending my retirement savings on another woman and drugs. You should ask yourself and be honest as to why you dont like being around him. Professional Event Planner. From everything Ive read of your account, it feels to me as if you are slowly being erased. You cant be mad at someone just because they are liked by your family. won't my boyfriend invite me Suck it up and go with the flow it cant be that bad. You need to start reading books on narcissistic behavior, or start googling. With that said I think the ex really is stepping out of bounds here. They all hate me, wont talk to me. By the time we got to the restaurant, I could barely breathe with nerves about the drinking issue. Put your ego aside and be happy your kids and extended family is happy even though your not. Because the sanctity of marriage is important to my husband and me, we lost great respect of my sister. I understand people form relationships through marriage but divorce also causes a family dynamic to change. I have no family left at all, but my kids, and what i thought were forever in-laws. Never become a prisoner of the past it stops you from growing and enjoying life. I dont get it but I live with it as well. Why cant your famiy see that you are distraught about how they handle things. Meanwhile, hes posting pictures of his grand old times on social media. Yet I find that I cant. I am happy. Partly because My Brother never liked my Ex-husband, and talked awful about him and never hung out with him. I mixed nations they claim and am damed to hell Do Not Marry An Emotionally Unavailable Man: He Wont Get Better But You Will, Why To Ask Personal Questions On Your First Date. We do not know why this woman left her husband. Thats not reality. I agree with you, its hard to see the world as a good place when going through something like this. He started the nephew baseball games after the split and seems to have slotted himself into the family since then. She shouldnt have to continue being around her ex at her family events. Thanksgiving should he spent with family and not exes. Unfortunately you realize no one has integrity, I have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i met a post where this man Robinsonbuckler (@) y ah oo . They have nothing to do with her EX!!!! I haven't talked to him really yet. I feel like its wrecking my life. Yet he is more important than my feelings. Im sorry. He was comfortable enough to talk crap about me to them (though they say they didnt indulge it), it would leak back to me sometimes through my sisters or mom. If you cannot expect your family to be loyal, supportive, and defend you in this difficult adjustment period then what is the point of even having a family? I am a very vocal person but in this situation I havent commented much on the topic to my family because I dont want the drama. I feel so frustrated that I actually Google to see if I can get a different perspective about the current situation I find myself in. Wed never choose my ex SIL over my brother in a Love competition, but it seems my family isnt seeing clearly how much this hurts my brother. But now he will go to a party with even some of my friends there and won't invite me "because he wants to catch up without worrying about me" but I guess it hurts my feelings because I always invite him to things my friends are having if it's a co-ed thing and always want him there if I can. The sister and her family I was closest to has chosen to continue to have him in their lives even though I finally told her some of the issues in my marriage, hoping that would change. His sister and nieces have all taken his side as if I was the villain You need to put her in her place and tell your mom and everyone else to respect you because once they an EX its an EX! She continues to remain close to my in-laws. I wish you would see this! It was he11 on Earth. My two kids and I celebrate holidays with our friends. How you feel and what you need is important. I think you are creating unnecessary emotions for yourself. Friends and family couldnt and wouldnt believe the truth of what he had done. I think maybe you are still feeling hurt by things that happened between you and your ex and you are able to ignore those feelings unless hes around. Do your kids, not you a favour and let it go!! I mean Im sorry but if your the only one who find him unbearable then maybe you should do some self reflection. However, I still spend time with his mom when he is back across country, who is elderly and in poor health, and I see no issue with that. I thought she was my BFF and my closest support. You Properly, Dont Date Him I was told they where simply all friends. Learn to be committed, hos. Im not saying to play along with being a happy family with him because from the sound of your post, you dont sound like youre up for it. My ex lives in her rent house. \, Exactly..I wish my brother see this way and STOP hanging out with my ex . Now my niece is getting married and she wants to take part in hosting the bridal shower and be at the wedding. They denied speaking to my daughter. There is a reason youre being excluded, find out what that is. If you didnt have children, then thats different. I have been going through the same thing for the past 11 years. He told me when I left he would get even and that I would be all alone. Family loyalty was never a strong point in my case, so this situation was the final straw and I had to make the difficult decision to just walk away. Its creepy that your ex and family think that it is ok to exclude you and choose him It seems like hes a manipulator and wants to get back at you. If you asked any of my oldest friends about me, theyd say: Ooh, she likes a bit of a drink. But over the past year I started thinking about the amount I drank and came to the conclusion that my hangovers and the pain of having them cancelled out the pleasure of drinking. My ex and his mistress has taken over my family but we had no children together. If you're starting to feel overwhelmed by people who invite themselves over, you have the power to turn them down politely and set boundaries. I do realise you cannot change other people only yourself and sometimes the most mature, healing path you can take is to recognise that even family are not always positive, loving, supportive people to be around and to try and take all the hurt feelings and channel them into something productive. All relationships need to be earned through mutual respect and consideration. It was sickening. My nephew and niece mean the world to me. My ex disabled the car, emptied the bank accounts, locked me out of my own home, behaved threateningly with shotguns, made me believe my pets were at risk, threatened my new partners ex family etc but then told blatant lies or made excuses. Or is it customary for communication to be at a bare minimum when your partner travels? I do not believe that God would want anyone to stay in a toxic relationship i actually credit God for helping me to get out of it because it literally took a miracle. Thanks Joanna you nailed it, that about no middle ground, and that you must suck it up. Heres What To Do When Hes Not Into You Anymore Id be pretty unhappy if I were in your shoes. I live near my ex in-laws and remain close to my mother-in-law, and the exs nieces and nephews, and one of his cousins. Some of my family did the same thing!! We were 2 months from the divorce hearing. I was having some misunderstanding with my husband and it was tearing our marriage apart to the extend my husband do not come home anymore and he was seeking for a divorce. An Expert Guide to Staying Friends with a Girl After Rejection, 13 Subtle Signs Someone Doesn't Want to Be Your Friend. My ex maintained his relationships with all of the men in my family. This is weird. I was close to my exes family but as soon as we split I naturally and respectfully kept my distance. Irionically this made me want to talk to a professional who told me that these family members are narcassists who enjoy conflict. Tell her she wouldn't like it if you did the same thing to her if the roles were reversed. You cant make choices for your family or your ex. My family is highly toxic , mentally ,physically abusive . What exactly is the problem? But, for example, if your sister is having a family get together, she should invite you, as part of her family- just you and your kids, out of RESPECT. She answers your dating and relationship questions on The Root each week. I am sorry it hurts so bad, but maybe its you that need to work with it. And not just my mother but my aunt, grandmother, and my brother.
my boyfriend stopped inviting me out
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