I believe that he does have another reason or driving factor, and it is possible that factor is Mary, but it could also be many others. Or maybe Mary has decided You Are The One. Asking for help, clarification, or responding to other answers. Bruce making decisions that are not up to him is problem that needs to be solved. She asked me if I ever worried my time would 'run out'. I have learned four programming languages, LaTeX, circuit design, and robotics on top of completing a BSc and MSc in chemistry and I'd say it's simply because I have devoted 100% of my time to myself. And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. There are many habits that are healthy to break such as smoking or overeating but trying to change your partner's personality isn't one of them. Thank you for visiting and have a great day! The OP should not bother Mary in this case. Be sure to model the behaviors you're wanting and tell her when she's doing things you like. Asking my friend out even though I have a girlfriend. I come from a background of social skills training, but do not know any material specific to the US (though there should be lots of solid material, as US research in social psychology is famous in the field). So the advice is to make your acquaintances think you're a psychopath? Talking to both of them at once may force them to take your feelings more seriously. But if you're just an average Joe, an ordinary guy, no one special then skip this. You can either bring up her feelings on the matter during your conversation with Bruce and Alice, or ask her to come with you as backup. How to clarify relationship status with friend you haven't talked to in 2 years? I've been set up by well-meaning friends before too (always in a relationship themselves). Maybe you can pinpoint that you don't feel the same as he was before he had a relationship and that he shouldn't fear that you're unhappy with your current situation while also expressing how happy you are that his life changed this way. The images don't look much like me; the generative-AI models that spat them out seem to have been trained on my official U.S. government portrait, taken when I was six months pregnant. Note: I'm not worried about my friendship with Mary, unless Mary does something rash, which would be addressed in a different question. Villarejo's name had been circulating in the Spanish press for years. I don't run into Mary every day, so I'm afraid he will attempt to 'set us up' without my knowledge. Tactfully avoiding sharing food with a friend, Morse theory on outer space via the lengths of finitely many conjugacy classes. I calmly explained that I was not currently looking for a relationship, but he did not want to accept this. Unfortunately there is no rescue here and she will be hurt anyway. This way you can't loose anything. Meta's Threads Is Here. What You Need to Know and How to Use It He [Bruce] never explicitly told me [why he is pushing me into the relationship], despite the fact that I explicitly asked. Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend, http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797612475095, Starting the Prompt Design Site: A New Home in our Stack Exchange Neighborhood. You need to very sternly tell Bruce that you have made a choice that you're not interested in Mary and that's not going to change. should give in or not? Yes, he is your friend. I have never had a problem finding a sexual encounter or a relationship however I have simply never been interested in relationships. This wasn't special - they are in a relationship - but he went on to say that they had agreed that Mary and I were perfect for each other, and that we should begin dating. You have to live to your life. You as a speaker may seem "not really meaning what you say". We had an instant connection and started dating. Family - Relationship Health: My girlfriend is trying to change me. If you guys are into tacit conversation, you might make it into a daily routine where he pretends to present his case and you pretend to decline in a quick exchange of gestures. (Even if I wanted a relationship I wouldn't go along because she appears to be on a pursuit of making life go her way and life presented her a different picture of romance where a girl has to act, in that case). I would try to talk to Mary first. Irritating habits, interests, and behaviors of your partner can ultimately cause friction. New Season Prophetic Prayers and Declarations [NSPPD] || 6th July 2023 QGIS does not load Luxembourg TIF/TFW file, A sci-fi prison break movie where multiple people die while trying to break out. Please stop. They almost always seem to split the work, each targeting one person. The latter I discovered due to fairly recent developments, but Bruce is in no way Alice's puppet here. Anyway if you're not involved, @MartinBonner I understand the frustration and anger, but is that sort of condemnation constructive here, except perhaps to signal to others your disapproval for this behavior you think is bad, for whatever sociological gains that gets us? She will probably be more understanding about it than Alice and Bruce, if only because it's an awkward conversation. If so, then OP might be more benefited by giving the reasons than not. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. eye contact, rhythmic movement He was rumored to have had . For this, I would suggest speaking with Alice and asking her for her opinion on the thing. If ignored for too long, resentment will strengthen and one day make you explode. if Bruce is "source of idea about relationship with Mary" - Alice could tell him to stop. If Mary is the one asking Alice (through Bruce) to help her, you've just put them into the situation of having to say any variation of "He's not interested, he doesn't like. Interesting answer, but I believe you misinterpreted how I responded to you. Overall discontentment with the relationship. Clearly you need to leave her and this relationship. Comments are not for debate, you made your point and I made a reasonable response to show you your error. You Try To Dress Them Oh, I know, don't get mad at me. By adding "if anything changes, you'll be the first to know", you allow Bruce to still have an important role in the "OP and Mary" relationship he wants to foster (since it seems like it'll be impossible to completely stop him from bringing it up until you or Mary are unavailable), but put yourself hopefully back in the driving seat. We like the same kind of comedy, the same TV shows, we both like live plays and amateur theatre, similar music, mostly the same restaurants. Her trait reduces mine, because I care about her feelings and don't want her to freak out, so I discuss such things first. Do you know his reasons for these actions? Painful? I agree the answer provides useful insights though. I am who I am. Dear HAIA: You have to understand: to women, men are just raw material, to be turned into husbands and fathers . This is speculation, but judging by Alice's mindset, she probably believes that Mary's life would improve in a relationship, and I am the most viable candidate in her eyes. Me: I am not interested in a relationship currently, for reasons not pertaining to the question, not in a relationship, Bruce: An excellent long-term friend, very relationship oriented, in a relationship with Alice, Alice: A good friend, in a relationship with Bruce, excellent friends with Mary, Mary: A good friend, very alike me, excellent friends with Alice and Bruce, not in a relationship. People often ask for reasons and then proceed to question those reasons or suggest different ways to achieve these reasons, always with the outcome to change your decision. I wouldn't recommend bringing them up all at once (I doubt that conversation would go well!) What does that mean? He does not want a relationship with, @Martin Bonner I don't mess with my friend when he's certain, I try not to meddle into other people life's; I might give them a nudge when they need it. 5 Signs You're Dating Someone Who Is Trying To Change You by Zara Barrie Aug. 10, 2016 Maja Topagi Nothing takes a hit at your self-esteem like dating a person who doesn't accept and. @kingW3 : The answer is now less objectionable; I suspect we still have very different ideas on personal autonomy. CNN . As somebody pointed out in comments already, Mary may have had crush on you, and you would probably intend not to hurt her feelings. I have to say that it is really uncomfortable. And that doesn't say anything one way or another about whether or how much I like Mary, but it's gotta be my choice and my interest. Good work, @Katie! It makes it easier to divide household duties fairly; we can each take the least offensive duties, and there is less to split of things we both dislike. If you do not want to change your decision, do not go into this. The OP might get into a more awkward and uncomfortable position for no reason by telling Mary about this. However the approach does. You fear for your friendship with Bruce. It seems that Bruce is forcing me into a relationship with Mary. The motivation is that they think that you are scared to be in a relationship and that being in a relationship would greatly benefit you, that you're having wrong impressions on what being in a relationship means. If they insist you tell them why, you can say that your reasons are personal, and ask them to respect your decision. I guess specifically, your advice is good, just more absolute than I'm inclined to give: OP knows their Bruce best, and exactly which reasons for it he's already explained vs. not, so I would advise OP to consider if Bruce is the kind of person who would be more likely to comply if they genuinely understand the reasons, and if they're likely to actually do the mental work to really "get it", and if he feels confident Bruce and he can keep it from turning it into a debate? Is there a legal way for a country to gain territory from another through a referendum? My advice would be to talk about this with both Bruce and Alice at the same time. Try to keep your body language strong: don't slouch or shrug, and meet their eyes even when they try to insist they're right. I hope you can respect that. My son . A Florida couple has been charged with aggravated manslaughter in the death of an 18-month-old girl who died after being left in a hot car overnight following a Fourth of July party . If Bruce said "We were talking," what he means is that he was tasked to get you to agree. Recently a female co-worker has been borderline harassing me about my life choices, claiming they are not 'right'. To learn more, see our tips on writing great answers. Signed, Happy as I am. You will better off without people that want to take charge of your life. It can reinforce your own negative traits, if they share them. This isn't definitive, but it might give you a direction to follow up on. Bruce, I get that you guys really like us both, so the idea of all of us hanging out together and sharing "couple" experiences as best-couple-friends is appealing to you, but I'm not going to choose a partner based on how much you guys like us as a couple, I'm going to choose a partner based on how much I like them. The only woman in America that actually LIKES the Three Stooges :kick: How is she trying to change you? Not the unwashed masses. Ask Amy: I told my girlfriend exactly who I am and now she wants me to I will be at the same event as Mary in a couple of weeks, so I suspect Alice is pushing Mary just as hard to get Mary to ask me to enter a relationship and might have met with more success than Bruce. Neither of you will be happy in the long run if you continue with this relationship. The Threads user interface is pretty simple for now. She wants reassurance that the relationship is stable and you aren't about to vanish. if Alice is "source of idea about relationship with Mary" - she will stop pushing Bruce into it. If you know specific literature, please feel free to comment. At times, they may even ask you to seek help, saying that you're losing your grip on reality. It will be the most efficient use of your time. If she answers: "Why not?" I'm sometimes like Bruce to my best friend and I'll tell you my motivation and what my friend uses to tell me no. Yes. Can Visa, Mastercard credit/debit cards be used to receive online payments? Ask him how did he feel before he was with Alice and how did being with her changed him.