So I have (and am currently in) the OPs shoes with my husband. I am waiting to hear from two companies where my onsite interview was successful. Some people are okay with the constant ups and downs of territory sales, but for others, that stress is just that: stressful. When Im happy in my personal life, have a fun hobby or am practicing self-care; some of those work things fade away. I just dont know where to go from here. I had years of temping and jumping around, as well as some jobs that were toxic or just really bad fits for me. I dont think this is the right venue. I will keep you all posted. The OP loves her job. (Extremely related, sales is also notorious for abusive bosses, grueling schedules, and lack of support.) I dont understand his way of thinking BUT I have decided that I cannot fix him. It seems these are sales jobs? I on the other hand feel that the last 2 years have been spotty. I Hate My Wife - 4 Common Reasons Husbands Resent Their Wife I think right now, hes facing a learning curve of what he is selling, and that is discouraging to him.. In reality, it turned out the organization was plague with problems that werent easily visinle from th outside. It was less money, earlier hours, and a lot more physical labor but he took it. He started a new job 5 months ago and it isn't a good fit, to say the least. Find out why your partner is devoting so much time to. Maybe he sees mildly bad management as terrible management, or maybe he needs a really specific type of management to thrive, who knows. If you do that, you just get cooly, Maybe youre not the right person for this job, or some equivalent nonsense about you not being competent or a team player. I have family members who sell each of those things and they make very good money (people without the right personality could do very badly at it though) and the right company wont have the kind of high pressure that corporate sales has. Dont answer here, of course. The rest of the credits he earned did not add up to a Bachelors. There's no way I can say how wonderful my husband is -- he is the most caring, loving, sweet man in the world. Tell him to ask himself do I actually want this? If a job is an endurance contest on the first day (I need a job- any job) it will not improve over time. Maybe he needs to scale back how much hes giving at work in order to last longer there and prepare for his next move, so that it can be a good move. this is what my husband used to do (he has moved into a special projects team to re-design a lot of internal systems/ processes and train the company in using them now). OP, I have a few recommendations based on what youve said here: 1) Plan your budget right now so that youre living as frugally as you can without making yourself completely crazy, and bone up on your savings. Instead, I got a terrible temp job, followed by truly hideous permanent job- both of which I knew would not be good, but I didnt feel like I could ignore giant warning signs. Share your concerns with him. He was my fianc at the time and was very encouraging, but now yells every time I work and he isn't working. Just about six months ago things were so bad that he went for an interview for a company completely, 100% unrelated to his field. This is all too familiar. How is the product and the customer support for the product? 17 Signs Your Husband Hates You (Painful red flags to notice) Like I said earlier, It is real hard to take to time to do any self examination or planning when you are in panic mode of trying to keep food on the table. No one should be doing all of the work, you have to have a happy medium. The Fora platform includes forum software by XenForo. I think the suggestion upthread is switching to a different type of sales with less travel is a good one. Therapy? The problem may be fixable, but only by some other method than just toughing it out. However, when that dissatisfaction is a recurring pattern, it can take a significant toll on an individual's overall well-being. For the latter, it is crucial employees develop coping skills since this type of adversity will happen again and again. And Im GREAT at sales. You cant change your husband; you can only change yourself. You can either be the person who half-asses it, the person who stays super late to finish it, or the person who says to your boss, I want to be able to tell you that I can get it turned around by then, but I think that in order to do as thorough a job as this project requires, it would take me till about noon tomorrow. But I can determine my environment, and have more control over my fate. or push you to pick up the phone again or just make one more stop instead of calling it a day. My son is a natural salesman and does well but he HATES it. Some for a couple of years, but most a lot less than that. You might not have had a real, honest, or healthy conversation with him for years. What do you see? Environments with dysfunction and major inefficiencies really used to stress me out to the max and Id obsess about problems and how to solve them, when it would have been much better to figure out a way to detach. They may overly avoid certain types of job because of prior experiences (ie writing off working for any family business because of favouritism issues) or may overlook potential red flags because other bad experiences have normalised certain toxic elements, or made others seem not so bad in comparison. Ive even seen people who were clearly victims forced to go over how theyd contributed to the abuse, how they would avoid upsetting the abuser going forward, and apologizing for their actions. This is why marriage can be so hard, OP. I can think of more tasks I dread in my IT job than tasks I dreaded as a janitor or retail worker, and Id probably go back to that line of work if the money was equal. Aug 2, 2010 I'm so tired of listening to my dh complain about life. If it comes up as a strong possibility, explore seeing a therapist to develop some coping strategies. So, even if he hasnt said anything, I suspect part of his stress and maybe even feelings of inadequacy in the new job is the internal strife of him not feeling like he is good enough right now (and worried you feel that way too). (He has little choice but to take everything he can get as soon as he can get?). He made some long term goals and gave up some unrealistic expectations. My husband never travels overnight he works for a company sells paint supplies, building materials, hardware etc to local retailers. Both alone and couples may help him piece himself together and find that sweet spot to harmonize your home. The bird phobia guy had a diagnosed phobia, so nobody was armchair diagnosing him. Its sometimes harder to realize this if you are surrounded by people with higher end professional jobs, but folks that are just churning work day in/day out for a paycheck a lot of them dont love it. In his case, hes an Army vet, so rather than sales, I thought hed do great working at a VA office at a school or fundraising for a non-profit hes involved with. 3. I keep reminding him of how grateful he should be that he has this job and I try to point out the positives, as usual. It was my misfortune, back in the day, to work for a number of family-owned companies. He may benefit from therapy or career guidance in order to better understand his dilemma and gain a better perspective on the kind of opportunities he could pursue, and what he can do to improve his performance as a worker, or even just to talk his concerns out with someone impartial. I was referring to something in addition to the bird phobia. Are there peer groups he could become involved in to give him some extra support? It led to small changes in our relationship that helped increase my satisfaction at work. Does he feel like he needs to get some two-years-or-longer stays on his resume, and if so, can he see committing to stay someone for a few years even if he doesnt love it? Or, conversely, tell him to look within himself, recognize his own behavior might be leading to incredible job dissatisfaction, and do so without being a horrific person? It's emotionally exhausting. Masters in Marriage and Fa. By Carolyn Hax May 23, 2013 Adapted from a recent online discussion. Its so difficult to watch from the outside because you as a partner dont know 100% whats going on for them, and its not that you dont trust their reporting, but, as you say, their perspective may be warped. Started out working for my father as a machinist. "It's been [over] a year on now. The point is that the abuse may not be abuse. I went through a similar situation with my spouse. He said I'm selfish for calling the move mine and that he can tell I'm depressed and that's why my friends hate me and my family hates me, and I suck at my new job and I'm going to get fired anyways and That it only makes sense cause I'm a depressing, mean, stupid person no one wants to be around. Nothing will make me happier than your income to continue growing, because that means youre doing well and [my company] is doing well. So thered be no resume gaps, and as long as hes not putting all of his eggs in one basket, hed still have some income coming in. I was also going to suggest this! I think looking outside the sales industry- even tangentially- would be beneficial for long term growth. how can I get better at spotting talent in people different than me? What To Do If You Think Your Husband Hates You A job that turned out to be a nughtmare, that is. He finished and 1. loves his job 2. makes more than he ever has 3. has great benefits and room for growth 4. VerticalScope Inc., 111 Peter Street, Suite 600, Toronto, Ontario, M5V 2H1, Canada. Every job was the same. Id think the fact that Alison chose to answer it automatically makes it in scope. Those two should events should be mutually occurring.. So who knows what will happen. Yeah, its one thing to say so-and-so in a story (aka not an OP) has something based on nothing clues, but this seems pretty directly relevant and not that far out. I really appreciate you sharing the 3 types of people and I typically didnt even think about option #3. If your husband has any background in nonprofit work, it might be possible to switch over. So I have sympathies but this pov still reeks of an excuse to me. You probably noticed Ive been referring to him as my ex. You have only been married one year. (See? I think normal is neutral-to-like. Mind you, as I move up the food chain, there do seem to be more things to get irked about. He took such good care of me -- he made me coffee every morning and he rubbed my head to wake me up. I dont see how its different from every other time these comments are made. I had problem #2 for a couple of years. And those folks make up a great deal of the workforce. Be his cheerleader. I think you have to have a future orientation do that understand what you are getting out of this job, how long you really need to do that for, and what you will get out of eventually leaving on your own terms. But Ive now seen you say two or three times that you think part of the solution is your husband working his ass off etc at his current job. I know he has the potential to make very good money in his current position. But I dont think hey, this job is fine is out of the ordinary. But your needs are a part of the picture here, too. OP, this is so incredibly similar to my exs situation, down to being in sales except he stayed in one of the jobs he hated, and dreaded, for far too long, which really did not help him (or us). My spouse has trouble sticking with jobs, although I believe for different reasons than the OPs husband. In that case, probably the best way forward is to encourage him to stick it out, because that kind of thing does get better. This. 1. I was a chronic job hopper in my 20s and for years have struggled with workplace stress and burn-out. Pizza delivery, security guard, urber driver, dishwasher, swing shift worker, are all jobs that would free up his days for classes, interviews, networking groups, etc. etc. My husbands stays at his jobs are getting shorter and shorter and I suspect his expectations of management are too high (he thinks its unacceptable to have supervisors who are less capable or intelligent than their workers. On top of that pressure, its also possible that he can sense how this instability is stressing you out. My last job was basically a combination of event planning/design, admin, writing, and research, which I did mostly remotely, and it was the best fit Ive ever had. Are you me? I get irked, then put my head down & power through. He hasnt, but I feel like he could explore it! 3. My husband hates me : r/TrueOffMyChest It really helps me not feel so helpless. I not sure if most people dislike thier jobs, but I would be surprised if it werent true that most people dislike doing their job. Hes still busting his tail because hes focusing 100% on improving his work situation, it just might be different than what you imagine. If he gets unhappy enough, hell change. Ive spent a lot of time in dysfunctional nonprofits, and Ive been advised the same thing. I focused on maintaining good relationships with coworkers I did get along with. The CA thing is specifically about making excuses for people who are abusive or otherwise behaving badly, which isnt the case here. His qualifications are kind of open-ended and very specialized at the same time, not a good combo for making a lateral change unless you have great connections. That helped a lot. However this is due to my ability to float two people for awhile. The fact that I had financial support from my family in college helped too. Oh, and he also needs to figure out how to sneak in networking and training. -Linnette. If you truly cant both live off your pay and you cant currently rely on your husband to help out, I strongly suggest taking a hard look at your budget and trimming the fat, so to speak.